Why Do Relationships Have To Be So Hard?
Each and every one of us could probably come up with a description of what the perfect relationship would be like. This is the relationship that we are chasing on a subconscious level.
The thing is, all too often it seems like no matter what you do, you can’t find that relationship. It can start to feel like you are cursed. You keep ending up with partners who make you feel unloved, unsupported, undervalued, unseen and stressed. And relationships can just end up feeling too hard and like they aren’t meant for us.
You might keep asking yourself “why do I deserve this?” Well guess what, it has nothing to do with deserving. It has everything to do with your subconscious mind. This is what New Thought Leader, Relationships Expert and Internationally Bestselling Author Teal Swan shares in her exclusive Relationship Vault teachings, which is changing the lives of people all over the globe.
Teal Swan teaches that humans are creatures of habit. In this world, which feels chaotic and unsafe to us, we feel as if we can guarantee stability, continuity and a sense of certainty by returning to what is familiar. Instinctually we eat at that same restaurant every week or month. We sleep on the same side of the bed. We assign specific spots to our kitchen utensils. We wear the same style of clothing. We watch the same television shows, we have sex the same way… “do I need to go on?”, she says.
Teal Swan explains that when you were a child, with no conscious idea about what love is, and with a brain that was not developed yet, you were interacting with the world purely through felt perception. You felt the world long before you intellectualized it. And the way you felt about something, set up your expectations and then beliefs about that thing. Swan states that even if you had a violent, abusive or lonely childhood, that sense of “home” was still your definition of “home.”
It was where you went to sleep at night. It is where you were fed and clothed (or not fed and clothed). It was where you got your attention (or lack thereof). Children are born loving their parents. And they are born assuming that their parents love them. The relationship with the family they are born into is their first taste of human connection and thus, their first taste of love. It doesn’t matter if we, in our adult perspective, look backwards and say “that was not a loving household”, a child doesn’t know any different than this version of love that exists in their home.
Because of this, Teal Swan teaches that you associate LOVE with HOME. The way that you felt in your home and in your relationship with your parents becomes your definition of love. This means, if your home felt like chaos and confusion and loneliness and deception, on a subconscious level, you think that is what love is supposed to feel like. And that is what you keep “returning to”.
As we grow up, we become conscious of what is good and what is bad. We banish things we think are bad to the subconscious mind. We try to deny them, we try to avoid looking at them and we try to forget them, and often succeed. This is why so many people do not remember their childhoods. The minute that we develop a conscious definition of what love is and how we want love to feel, we create a rift between our subconscious definition of love and our conscious definition of love.
As taught in The Relationship Vault, your mind will link any associations you have with home, with what love is supposed to feel like. And when you consciously decide you want love in your life, your subconscious compels you towards partners who satisfy those associations you have with love. Your subconscious mind takes you back to your childhood home. So, this is how it works, if love equals home and home equals abandonment then love equals abandonment. This is why relationships feel hard and why we tend to have such a hard time finding and creating the relationships that we really want. Part of Teal Swan’s mission is to help people to become aware of these patterns that each and every one of us is stuck in and to break out of them, so that we can actually have the relationships that we want. And so that we can truly thrive. Afterall, she explains that our lives here on this planet will only be as good as the quality of our relationships.
Learning how to create deep and real relationships, without losing who you are, makes all the difference in the world. And all it takes is a little curiosity to get started.